Wednesday, February 01, 2012

You’re A Leading Beltway Media Luminary, IF …

1. You continue to push the silly sports analogy of the “40-yard line” and midfield as the ideal place to score political points despite the uneven, right-tilting playing field.

2. You watch Bill O’Reilly and come away convinced there is a “hard left” which is the polar opposite of the “hard right” — yet a Newt way to insult liberals and progressives.

3. you cannot define “hard left,” i.e., if “hard right” is the Tea Party then “hard left” is … the Progressive Caucus (?); or, as Bill-O The Clown argued, if MSNBC’s “litmus test” is to “fire extremists” like Pat Buchanan, then, “MSNBC would have nobody on. Nobody on.” Really? Not even Chuckles and Chris?

4. You actually believe Michael Steele will vote for President Obama. (Not.) Either that, or you’re palling around with a devious Republican (recently mocked by Jay Carney) at the audience’s expense, which is worse.

5. Your idea of a great Hardball segment on the economic comeback of the Rust Belt and the auto industry resurgence, thanks to the bailout, is to turn it into a clown skit featuring Michael Steele.

6. You love to insult your progressive audience by allowing proxy Steele to sabotage a great Democratic success story — GM is back as the world’s #1 auto manufacturer — with ludicrous voodoo economics spin, while pretending to be dense about it.

7. You read Republican Establishment luminary Kathleen Parker religiously, and just as religiously fail to correct her outrageous crapaganda in real time. Tell me something I don't know because, uh ... it's untrue!

8. You insist Romney cannot identify with the “yearnings” of the American people, but insist you can? Discuss amongst yourselves: Michael, Chris and Chuckles.

9. You claim to be “center-left” (right) or “left” (center, with a sugar cone) but yearn to be a Charlie Crist Republican (soft right, with sprinkles), which is almost hard right, with a double scoop, yearning to go hard left, that's the Michael Moore triple scoop, with the works.

10. The Reverend Al Sharpton's deadpan Republicans-are-crooks humor keeps you in stitches, so maybe there’s still pie-in-your-face hope.

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