Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Michael Steele's Revenge: Unleashing The Crazies In The GOP Primaries

Is former RNC Chairman Michael Steele a double-agent? For all of his early GOP talking point bloviations at Hardball et al, leaving wreckage-strewn segments in the wake of his hyper-partisan droppings, Mr. Steele has become the best friend President Obama and the Democratic Party could possibly hope for in a Republican. If not for Steele, principal architect of the new primary rules for proportional delegate allocation in the Republican primary presidential elections, we wouldn't be feted with this grotesquely revealing bizarro clown show with a Republican circular firing squad to regale us week after week. After week.

Fellow political maven Chris Matthews must know this instinctively, on a molecular subatomic level, when he gratefully introduces Steele with faux formality as "Mister Chaaaairman." Lawrence thanked him profusely. Steele, for his part, is much too cagey and Machiavellian a politician not to realize his rules changes would tilt the balance of power in the GOP presidential process from the Establishment to its Tea Party evangelical base. Under the old winner-take-all rules the big-money Establishment candidate, Mitt Romney, could eke out an underwhelming 41% win in Michigan and rake up most of its delegates. But under the governing Michael Steele rules Romney and Rick Santorum, who had 38% of the vote, get to split the delegates. Can anyone say, humiliating Pyrrhic victory ... ? (It's a Mittens specialty.)

Now it's on to Ohio for Psycho Ricky and Mittens the "Spartan" sock puppet. Ricky could have won Michigan hadn't he grossed out Catholic voters by threatening to "vomit" on JFK's separation of church and state speech; flummoxed voters all calling the President a "snob" for encouraging young people to get a college education, at least one of Ricky's three degrees; and repulsed women voters by foisting on them his American Taliban vision of total control of their bodies. Who's left? More than enough crazies to pull Psycho Ricky within three points of handing Mittens a flaming bad hair day in Michigan, home state with right-sized trees and lots of cars. (Thanks to President Obama's "bailout" of Detroit. Can you say: "thank you Mr. President," wingnuts — Mittens?)


Meanwhile, Chairman Steele laments his calls aren't being returned. The Republican Establishment, he admits ruefully, "they're not talking to me."  But then Steele waxed poetic, without a hint of irony or recrimination, about the pitchfork legions —99.9% white, mind you, which places Michael in the weird Republican contradiction category — he has so lovingly empowered. Feel the love of his poetry:

We Are The Base

 Lo, Romney Death Star's shooting rays
A Rick Santorum meteor haze
Establishment, red planets gaze

The Beltway orbits, Super Pacs 
Made by Chief Roberts in his haste
To lay our whole nation to waste

But all must pass the twinkling stars
God, gays, and guns, the stars and bars
Ron Paul's bromance, the Gingrich dance

A racists ball, college? No chance
For women must submit to men 
Slay contraception's evil plan

For men, Republicans know best
Which path to take, we'll nominate
Your bodies to control at last.

We are the base, you must obey
The state our church, repent and pray
We are the base, tear down this wall

The state and church are one and all
We are the base, you must obey
Dare not become our primary prey.

You are the base: twinkle-twinkle little wingnut stars. Michael Steele is your Avatar.

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