Friday, March 06, 2009

A Modest Proposal, revisited

The great satirist Jonathon Swift proposed with tongue ever-so-firmly in cheek that the Irish could solve its hunger and poverty problems by selling their children for food (I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled...)

In the spirit of Mr. Swift, I have a similar, blindingly obvious, proposal. Let us use the stupid for fuel.

Think about it. It is an abundant and ever-renewable resource. The conversion of the stupid into fuel will both free us from the tyranny of dependence on foreign oil and greatly improve the quality of the gene pool. Stupidoleum will be available in three grades like gasoline. You will be able to purchase idiot (Michelle Bachmann), imbecile (Bill O'Reilly) or moron (Sean Hannity). Just think, soon stupid stations will be springing all across America, and we can all feel better about powering our cars and heating our homes with 100% American stupid.

I have a good candidate for enough stupid to run your mower all summer long. I give you Tom Sheridan of Mount Prospect, Illinois, who authored this
gem in this morning's Chicago Tribune:
To those who voted for Barack Obama, please consider this. When Obama was elected, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 9,625. When he was sworn into office, it closed at 7,949, and this week it closed at 6,763. This represents a 30 percent reduction in the value of U.S. companies and investor wealth, over half of it while he was in office. As you are standing in the unemployment line, waiting for your "change," I "hope" you'll remember who continues to bring you a new misery every day. You had better "believe" it.
Fill 'er up! Oh, and Tom...


ZuZu's Petals said...

I'm hearing more and more of this insanity, that "Obama is the reason we're in this mess". Um, McFly?!! It may well be that the very ones who orchestrated this beginning of all this are now pissed and are taking their collective balls and going home. Making the DOW tank even more. And that soon to be retirees are panicking and following suit. THAT does trickle down. And I'm fighting the urge to do the same (at 52, I have to wait 7 1/2 years before I can touch my 401K I'm hoping it will rebound by then).

But do NOT even try and say that your party and politics (GOPers)weren't the first hundred or so dominoes that got this spiral spiralling. Yes, stupid is abundant in the USA. A good idea, Pete. A very good idea.

jimbow8 said...

I am still amazed that 2-3 years into the Bush administration, the economic difficulties were being blamed on the previous administration (Clinton), but a mere two months into Obama's term the previous aministration's policies have, in their minds, absolutely no bearing on the current predicament

Carlos said...

Tom Sheridan's likely one of those people that vacation in Vegas and spend a lot of time at the local OTB. Their idea of economic stability is a winning hand at the casino or a winning ticket at the racetrack.

Carlos said...

He's from Mount Prospect ... of course! It's a stone's throw from Arlington Racetrack.