In the spirit of Mr. Swift, I have a similar, blindingly obvious, proposal. Let us use the stupid for fuel.
Think about it. It is an abundant and ever-renewable resource. The conversion of the stupid into fuel will both free us from the tyranny of dependence on foreign oil and greatly improve the quality of the gene pool. Stupidoleum will be available in three grades like gasoline. You will be able to purchase idiot (Michelle Bachmann), imbecile (Bill O'Reilly) or moron (Sean Hannity). Just think, soon stupid stations will be springing all across America, and we can all feel better about powering our cars and heating our homes with 100% American stupid.
I have a good candidate for enough stupid to run your mower all summer long. I give you Tom Sheridan of Mount Prospect, Illinois, who authored this gem in this morning's Chicago Tribune:
To those who voted for Barack Obama, please consider this. When Obama was elected, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 9,625. When he was sworn into office, it closed at 7,949, and this week it closed at 6,763. This represents a 30 percent reduction in the value of U.S. companies and investor wealth, over half of it while he was in office. As you are standing in the unemployment line, waiting for your "change," I "hope" you'll remember who continues to bring you a new misery every day. You had better "believe" it.Fill 'er up! Oh, and Tom...