Friday, June 18, 2010

The Parochial School Boys Agree!

At last there is something MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and lunatic fringe wingnut Glenn Beck agree on: hatred of the World Cup, football specifically -- they call it “soccer” (whatever that means). Here’s Beck’s rant against the World Cup (he also disses baseball, probably because too many Latinos and Asians play the game):

Keith’s riposte: “And now to discuss Glenn Beck versus the world at large over soccer … Beck, of course, being right, not only does the world tells us we must love soccer, but it tells us we’re too stupid to understand this game in which almost nothing happens, which the referee keeps how much time there’s left a secret. And by the way, vuvuzelas were on sale at Yankee Stadium in 1967, they stole it from us, ladies and gentlemen, here is soccer apologist Rachel Maddow!”

To Glenn Beck I say, beware of the One World conspiracy. The New World Order is coming for you, Beckster. The invading World Cup hordes are plotting your destruction in South Africa, as we speak.

Keith, there’s plenty of action going on, only you’re too stupid, or stubborn, to understand it. Imagine a Martian alighting on a baseball game while Nolan Ryan is striking out the side. What would the alien think of those static people standing in the outfield, arms crossed, picking their fingernails or noses, as one guy on the mound does all the work, tossing a little ball to a masked man past guys who walk up to the plate with a piece of lumber, whiff the air with it three times and walk back to their bunker. Meanwhile, another masked man clad in black yells and makes strange hand signals (which have no apparent connection to the signals from those other guys on the sidelines).

FYI, Keith, nearing the conclusion of the 90 minutes of play, a sideline official with FIFA clearly stamped on his back holds up a large digital board with 3’ or 4’ or however many extra injury and stoppage time minutes the referee has added to the game. The ref communicates this to sideline officials through the magic of that little transmitter device and microphone clipped to one ear. Stoppage time is shown next to regulation time on any TV broadcast football game and some (not all) stadium scoreboards.

And Keith, the vuvuzelas were actually introduced by a Mets plant in Yankee Stadium. It came from a pro-Apartheid Afrikaner who said vuvuzelas were used as instruments of torture.

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