Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Breaking News


Roland Burris is A-Rod's Dad!

Sources tell Smudge that DNA from a needle that Alex Rodriguez doesn't know anything about that came from his cousin in the Dominican Republic that he didn't know was a country indicates that he is the biological child of embattled U.S. Senator Roland Burris.

Burris initially stated that he had never had any contact with A-Rod's mother, or with any woman for that matter. He denied he was the father of anyone, including Rolanda, Roland Jr., Rolaids and Rolodex. Later, in an affidavit, he stated that "Hell, Wilt Chamberlain's got nothin' on the B-Man."

A source close to the story told Smudge that "I can't say for sure, but as they say, like father, like son. A-Rod may have been young and stupid, like he said. Well, we know where he got the stupid part!"


1 comment:

Carlos said...

All joking aside, here's a procedural question:

If Burris were to resign or be forced out of office, kicking and screaming, what happens next? Would Gov. Quinn be able to appoint another senator or would we have a special election?

I've already seen stay-in-touch ads by Congressman Mark Kirk running on the cable news channels. Everyone expects Kirk to contend for the seat on the Republican side.