Roland Burris is A-Rod's Dad!
Sources tell Smudge that DNA from a needle that Alex Rodriguez doesn't know anything about that came from his cousin in the Dominican Republic that he didn't know was a country indicates that he is the biological child of embattled U.S. Senator Roland Burris.
Burris initially stated that he had never had any contact with A-Rod's mother, or with any woman for that matter. He denied he was the father of anyone, including Rolanda, Roland Jr., Rolaids and Rolodex. Later, in an affidavit, he stated that "Hell, Wilt Chamberlain's got nothin' on the B-Man."
A source close to the story told Smudge that "I can't say for sure, but as they say, like father, like son. A-Rod may have been young and stupid, like he said. Well, we know where he got the stupid part!"