Friday, December 02, 2005

At least Bill O'Reilly is keeping the world safe for Christians

As Pete point out below, we know that Christians are oppressed everywhere you turn - they're not allowed to worship, their places of worship must be kept secret or they'll be closed down, the leaders of this country are vehemently anti-Christian, and of the 10 federal holidays, 9 of them are secular, with only one being saved for the oppressed. In fact, we know that Christians can barely wear the symbols of their religion without being beaten and killed regularly on the streets of our cities. So it's no wonder that Christmas is under attack. First it was the businessmen, when they decided to capitalize on the birth of Jesus with a crass money-making enterprise, and now it's the liberals, who don't understand that freedom means I get to do what I want, and if you don't like it, you're going to hell anyway, and besides, majority rules so na-na-boo-boo. There are places that now refer to the "Holidays", and not to Christmas*, and every time a Christian hears the words "Happy Holidays", an angel loses his wings and is condemned to a life in purgatory.

Thankfully, Bill O'Reilly has come to save the day. He took a break from defending the unjustly accused Bestester Presimident Ev-Uh! to make sure that Christmas Ornaments still got their due. See, FoxNews has an online store, and for a while they were advertising a heathen "Happy Holidays" ornament, designed to spread cheer to whoever received it, regardless of their religious background. But then Baby Jesus cried, and no one wanted that, so they changed it to a Christmas Ornament, and all was recovered, and the Lord spake unto Bill O' Reilly "Thank you, because without you, thousands of families who are gathered to mourn their loved ones who've died because of lies would be forced to see the words "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", and then the terrorists would have won."

* - Where the hell have these people been for, well, my entire life? I've been seeing Happy Holidays stuff as long as I can remember. Did they just notice?

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