Thursday, November 22, 2012


MEMO TO THE SECESSIONIST MOVEMENTS IN TEXAS, ALABAMA, LOUISIANA, et al: It would please, and probably surprise you to know that some 10,000 to 20,000 of your brethren emigrated to Brazil after the Civil War rather than accept surrender to the Yankees. They settled in many regions of that vast nation, but concentrated mostly in the state of São Paulo. Unfortunately, a guest on a Hardball segment dealing with the latest secessionist movement, "author" James Moore, trivialized and ripped this colorful aspect of Brazilian culture by referring to these settlements as "New Texas" — WRONG! The Confederate immigrants actually came from most, if not all the states currently with secessionist petitions — then had the GALL to call them "El Confederados," when anyone with an OUNCE of NON-ETHNOCENTRIC education knows that SPANISH IS NOT THE LANGUAGE SPOKEN IN THE COLOSSUS OF SOUTH AMERICA; IT IS PORTUGUESE. Therefore, the correct name is "OS CONFEDERADOS." Naturally, all of this was received with untoward and OBNOXIOUS mirth by Chris Matthews, who has the belly-laugh of AN IDIOT. (But we knew that.)

Anyway, here's the Confederados annual cookout/party (2011), introduced by none other than a Portuguese-speaking Robert E. Lee! (Did you know there are hail storms in São Paulo?) Most of the revelers depicted in the video are direct descendants of the Confederate rebels who refused to surrender to the North, and they are very proud of their traditions. Word of advice, however, for any secessionists considering an exodus to be with their Southern relatives in São Paulo: Brazil is a very generous and welcoming nation; but moochers, deadbeats, and principally RACISTS need not apply. This ought to limit applications quite a bit.

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