Stupidity should be painful

This is a personal memo to Tysen Anne Nowak. You have fairly been assessed a $90 stupidity tax.

Ms. Nowak attempted to bring her baby stroller to Soldier Field for a Bears game. She becomes irate when she cannot bring the stroller in and complains to the Chicago Tribune when the stroller is stolen.

Ms. Nowak, let me put this in proper perspective for you. Use these two phrases in a sentence together---"baby stroller" and "football stadium." The only logical sentence I can come up with is "A baby stroller does not belong in a football stadium!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now to clarify, I have three children, all of whom started out as babies. We can argue about the wisdom of bringing a child that needs a stroller to a Bears game (actually, we can't, I was just being polite, it is a DUMB idea, the kid is miserable, everyone around you is miserable, if you can afford a Bear game you can afford a sitter). However, your idea that you could either bring a large bulky object into a stadium with long narrow aisles, steep rows and lots of people or have someone else happily watch it for you staggers the imagination. It is rudely presumptuous on your part to assume that the stadium would have a check service. Do you have a right to have others look after your property while you are amused? So what if the other teams in town, private businesses, choose to do so, does that entitle you in this case? Hardly.

I have sent this to the Tribune reporter that printed your laughable sob story in case you wish to respond. I will publish your response here in full, but I consider you duly taxed for stupidity.