COMRADE OLYMPIANS: MAJOR WARDROBE MALFUNCTION CAUSES PATRIOTIC FUROR

INSTEAD OF "USA! USA! USA!" THE U.S. OLYMPIC TEAM FANS' CRIE DE GUERRE (HEY, WHADDYA WANT!? ... They're wearing BERETS!) will be: "RALPH LAUREN! RALPH LAUREN! RALPH LAUREN! POLO! POLO! POLO!" See what happens, folks, when you PRIVATIZE EVERYTHING? And how about the Republican reaction? John Boehner's smirk was classic. C'mon, they're not really upset by this. Only starry-eyed pundits will believe that. The GOP "upset" over this is about as credible as claiming that our one puny VOTE (provided we haven't been disenfranchised or wiped off the voting rolls) can actually beat back ZILLIONAIRE SUPER PAC money.

Welcome to the FUTURE, comrades. Ralph Lauren just made the process an inconvenient truth in an election year that lends itself to political posturing. Having said that, I'm with Harry Reid: Throw them all in a big pile, BURN THE DAMN THINGS, and find someplace in the continental U.S. (the Pacific Island territories don't count) to manufacture the U.S. Olympic uniforms, SANS THE BERETS (!). LET US RECRUIT A BETSY ROSS 2012 BRIGADE OF PATRIOTIC SEAMSTRESSES TO DO IT! Either that, or find some semi-legal sweatshop stateside willing to do their patriotic duty. Start flippin' your rolodexes/contact lists, Ralph Lauren.

"HAVE A COKE, COMRADES"; LOOK! POLO LOGO BIGGER THAN USOC, AND WHERE'S "USA"?! COMRADES GUCCI, CHANEL, RALPH LAUREN MADE IN CHINA.