PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999

MITT ROMNEY, THE MORMON CRUSADER OF CAPITAL ACCUMULATION for the greater glory of the multi-billion enterprise Church of Latter-Day Saints and PLANET KOLOB thinks he can continue to party like it's 1999, claiming to have had ABSOLUTELY.NADA going with Bain ... this century.

First, BULLSHIT. You don't pull down a CEO's 100K salary to do nothing. Second, the evidence to the contrary keeps accumulating, from multiple sources, including the Boston Globe which has taken the lead on this story and says, rather generously, that Mitt's claims are "evolving." Now, Mitt's surrogate Ed Gillespie says Mitt "retroactively retired." Whaa ...?! More to the point, conservative narrative driver Bill Kristol bitched about Romney's "crazy" secrecy and said he should release multiple years of tax returns "tomorrow."

The President's BEST surrogates, meanwhile, are finally getting into gear, with mealy-mouthed LOSERS Ed Rendell and Cory Booker nowhere to be seen. (Gov. Fatso, of course, was still firing spitballs at the President from his glorified perch at MSNBC as Sweet Melissa and Lady Alex batted their eyelashes at him.)

Thankfully, this weekend the Obama A-TEAM was up: Chi-Town Mayor Rahmbo and Senate Majority Whip Dick Durbin in for batting practice, happily ripping the cover off the hapless Mittens. Senator Durbin had the best line: Mitt Romney is "running away from Bain like a scalded cat" because he doesn't want to be associated with outsourcing. Gotta LOVE this 'Mr. Nice Guy Goes For The Jugular' side of Senator Durbin! The Dems must do a whole lot more of that; not only do they have a better way with words, but they're smarter than Republicans!

The Mormon's truth is, Mitt Romney's no PRINCE of his wider universe. It just won't do. When Romney's secretive religious proclivities collide with the public interest, in the small matter of running for president, the public interest wins. Even when those religious demands feed the notion that the accumulation of great wealth is next to godliness, which is not exactly what Christ would, and did, say. And which explains why Romney just doesn't get it — he and his brethren are weird cats, and their religion is more cult-ish than most other major religions.

There, I said it; it happens to be true, and it brings up some important church-state issues, that are playing themselves out right now, with this Bain thing. Setting aside the weirdness of the religion, which has in turn engendered historic discrimination and persecution, some of it understandable where polygamy is concerned, Mitt Romney's expectation is that he can skate to the presidency under a veil of secrecy, protected by his millions and his cult-ish support structure. Well, he can't. Last I checked, this is still a secular nation. If you want to be president, you answer to the Constitution; not the Word handed down from the Planet Kolob.