WINGNUT WATCH: DUDES, WHO'S WRITING YOUR HEADLINES?!

This is how our favorite wingnut rag, The Daily Caller, headlined today's mother of all cave-ins by John Boehner and the House Republicans, most particularly those extremist Teabaggers. Seriously:

ABATES?!? ABATES?! DUDES, WTF is this supposed to mean? Here's the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of "ABATE":

Definition of ABATE

transitive verb

1 a : to put an end to <abate a nuisance>

b : nullify 1 <abate a writ>

2 a : to reduce in degree or intensity : moderate <may abate their rancor to win peace>

b : to reduce in value or amount : make less especially by way of relief <abate a tax>

3 : deduct, omit <abate part of the price>

4 a : to beat down or cut away so as to leave a figure in relief

b obsolete : blunt

5 : deprive 2

intransitive verb

1 : to decrease in force or intensity

2 a : to become defeated or become null or void

b : to decrease in amount or value

OK, let's take these one at a time:
transitive verb:
1a:GOP [Abates Puts An End To (Itself?)] In Payroll Tax Debate
bb:GOP [Abates Nullifies (Itself?)] In Payroll Tax Debate
2a:GOP [Abates Moderates (?! The Teabaggers would be furious!)] In Payroll Tax Debate
bb:GOP [Abates Relieves (Itself? — I like this accurate piss-in-their-pants descriptor)] In Payroll Tax Debate
3: GOP [Abates Deducts/Omits (Itself? — I like this low self-esteem/we're irrelevant, too)] In Payroll Tax Debate
4a:GOP [Abates Beats Down/Cuts Itself Away (good self-flagellation one; a favorite of the wingnut media)] In Payroll Tax Debate
bb:GOP [Abates Blunts Itself To Obsolescence (Oh, Yeah! Subtle, sophisticated)] In Payroll Tax Debate
5: GOP [Abates Deprives Itself (Of Mass suicide? — Ouch.)] In Payroll Tax Debate
Intransitive verb:
1: GOP [Abates Decreases In Force/Intensity (Buh-bye re-election ...)] In Payroll Tax Debate
2a:GOP [Abates Becomes Defeated And Null And Void (Ouch. Accurate!)] In Payroll Tax Debate
bb:GOP [Abates Decreases In Amount/Value Of Supporters (Ouch. Doubly accurate!)] In Payroll Tax Debate.

Sounds pretty bad, eh. See, the more you try to mask your monumental Republican cave-in, the more ridiculous you look. Dudes, wingnuts, trust me: "ABATES" is a COMPLETE FAIL. Here's the thing; I'm only trying to help; seriously — it gets much worse when you look up "ABATE" in the Urban Dictionary:

So, better to cut your losses, take your bitter medicine, and accept defeat with the last vestige of grace and dignity you can muster by using the most appropriate word to define the occasion: "CAVES". And be glad of it, and grateful to me, for the Urban Dictionary defines "CAVE" (see above) more beningly than all of those awful "ABATE" definitions: "CAVE v. To give up all opposition, usually in an argument." Here's your headline, wingnuts — (you're WELCOME!):

One last thing, before I forget. Know that henceforth, House Republicans (wingnuts and Republicans in general, too) — PRESIDENT OBAMA AND THE DEMOCRATS OWN YOU.