Jesus needs Bill Frist to help stop boys from kissing

So cat-killing video doctor Bill Frist says that "marriage is under attack," a crisis so dangerous that it requires a constitutional amendment.

What nonsense. First of all, Bill, keep your feline-dissecting hands of the constitution. That document is not the place for misguided social engineering (how did Prohibition work for you?)

And just exactly how is marriage under attack? Now, in the interest of full disclosure-- I am married to a WONDERFUL woman, I've been married for a long time and I like being married. That said, it is difficult to come up with a convincing argument as to why the government should be in the business of sanctioning relationships in 2006. Legitimacy is not a concern for property succession, the institution is no longer (if it ever was) the regulator of sexual activity, DNA can show parentage and so on and so on.

HOWEVER, let us assume that the government WILL continue to legally sanction relationships. I have not heard a compelling argument about why this LEGAL relationship should not be extended to same-sex couples. Let us dispense immediately with religious arguments. We are talking about the legal enforcement of a quasi-contractual relationship and what is recognized by a religious group should play no part in that.

Also let's lose the truism, marriage is between a man and a woman because it's, well, between a man and a woman!

The slippery slope also has to go. If we allow gays to marry, then next comes polygamy, men will marry sheep, someone will walk down the aisle with their Harley, women will marry Tom Cruise--oh wait.

What utter nonsense. Did marriage to one man or woman generate polygamy? In terms of lines to draw, I think

1) One
2) Consenting adult
3) Human spouse per person

is pretty easy without slip-slidin' away.

And spare me the "sanctity" of marriage. For one thing, "sanctity" has a religious connotation. Beyond that, though, when the divorce rate is around half, Anna Nicole Smith marries a not-yet-buried corpse, Brittany Spears has two days of wedded bliss before bailing, sell "sanctity" somewhere else.