The Holy See apparently thinks we need more exorcists, as a Vatican-endorsed university is offering a course on "Exorcism and Prayer of Liberation" to train future expellers of demons. The Pontifical Academy Regina Apostolorum ("Go Pontifical Academy Regina Apostolorum, Go, Go, Go!" or "Cheer, Cheer for Old Pontifical Academy Regina Apostolorum!") offers the course "to express a clear vision of the phenomenon," said Italian Bishop Andrea Gemma, a leading exorcist who delivered the opening lecture." It was also reported that Pope Benedict XVI "welcomed a large group of Italian exorcists who visited the Vatican" in September.
This raises a couple of questions. First of all, Bishop Gemma is a LEADING exorcist? Is there a poll out there? Does Time Magazine do an "Exorcist of the Year?" Are there aspiring exorcists playing in the low minors of exorcism who are waiting to be called up to expel big demons? Then we see the Pope welcoming a "large group" of exorcists to the Vatican. Is there a lot of this going around? How many people are out there casting out demons? Perhaps your Uncle Jake, who really isn't your uncle, but let's not get into that now, who always gets liquored up at Thanksgiving and hits on your hot divorced cousin, isn't just an ass, he might be possessed?
[editorial note to anyone who believes Saddam Hussein had stockpiles of WMD: While the news story cited above is true, the content below is satirical in nature.]
Sources close to the Vatican also announced that they will be offering refresher courses in burning at the stake. "Let's face it," said an academy source, "we live in a Duraflame log and gas fireplace world now, we've forgotten how to build a proper pyre to send the damned souls of heretics to God for judgment on the tongues of flame." A class designed to curb child abuse, "Youth Ministry: Piety with Pants," was cancelled due to low enrollment, however.
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