Retard America Redux

It bothers me that this bug-eyed freak is back in the "news." The poor sap that she ditched apparently has finally wised up and moved on. What angers me is that the news media squeezed every bit of mileage out of this non-story while ignoring the important things going on around us all but unnoticed. We get the country we deserve, I suppose.

Things Da Vinci

I am going to see The Da Vinci Code tomorrow night. I enjoyed the book. While Dan Brown's prose can be rather tortured at times, he tells a good story. His books are perfect airplane/beach reading brain candy.

The book didn't, and I doubt the movie will, change any of my attituded toward the church or Christianity in general. It is a NOVEL and the film is a popcorn movie. If your faith is shattered because of some escapist entertainment, or if Mel Gibson's gore-filled snuff film inspired your faith, I have but one thing to say to you:

Is that a banjo I hear?

So the Deliverance wing of the Senate GOP (along with a few red state Dems) want to make English our "national language." Isn't that special. There is a cheap joke about the president now having to master the language in there somewhere, but seriously, how pathetic of an attempt at pandering to the mouthbreathers of society is this? Why don't we just call it the "Let's Make Government Less Efficient While I Get This Cross a Burnin' Act?"

I find this particularly interesting given that we Americans (sadly, your humble correspondent is included) are about the worst industrialized country in the world when it comes to languages. As business becomes more global, so many of us here remain English-only speakers. When my wife was in Paris, I encountered hotel switchboard operators that effortlessly switched from French to perfect English. But here--at the INTERNATIONAL terminal at O'Hare Airport, there is not ONE directional sign in another language. The "information" officer was a surly rent-a-cop who only spoke English, and when foreign nationals didn't understand him (who would have anticipated that at the INTERNATIONAL terminal????) his response was to speak in English, only louder.

Official English, the national anthem in Spanish, gay marriage, service academy prayers, even our old friend flag burning--I love seeing priorities in the right place. Good thing we don't have any real problems to address.

Jesus needs Bill Frist to help stop boys from kissing

So cat-killing video doctor Bill Frist says that "marriage is under attack," a crisis so dangerous that it requires a constitutional amendment.

What nonsense. First of all, Bill, keep your feline-dissecting hands of the constitution. That document is not the place for misguided social engineering (how did Prohibition work for you?)

And just exactly how is marriage under attack? Now, in the interest of full disclosure-- I am married to a WONDERFUL woman, I've been married for a long time and I like being married. That said, it is difficult to come up with a convincing argument as to why the government should be in the business of sanctioning relationships in 2006. Legitimacy is not a concern for property succession, the institution is no longer (if it ever was) the regulator of sexual activity, DNA can show parentage and so on and so on.

HOWEVER, let us assume that the government WILL continue to legally sanction relationships. I have not heard a compelling argument about why this LEGAL relationship should not be extended to same-sex couples. Let us dispense immediately with religious arguments. We are talking about the legal enforcement of a quasi-contractual relationship and what is recognized by a religious group should play no part in that.

Also let's lose the truism, marriage is between a man and a woman because it's, well, between a man and a woman!

The slippery slope also has to go. If we allow gays to marry, then next comes polygamy, men will marry sheep, someone will walk down the aisle with their Harley, women will marry Tom Cruise--oh wait.

What utter nonsense. Did marriage to one man or woman generate polygamy? In terms of lines to draw, I think

1) One
2) Consenting adult
3) Human spouse per person

is pretty easy without slip-slidin' away.

And spare me the "sanctity" of marriage. For one thing, "sanctity" has a religious connotation. Beyond that, though, when the divorce rate is around half, Anna Nicole Smith marries a not-yet-buried corpse, Brittany Spears has two days of wedded bliss before bailing, sell "sanctity" somewhere else.

The Edumacation Presidont

Apparently, covering the Chimp makes people as stupid as he is. From CNN.com's front page:

Memo to Fred Phelps and other right-wing hatemongers:

1 John 4:20

"Those who say they love God and hate their brothers and sisters are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen cannot love God whom they have not seen."

The Mendoza Line

A 29% approval rating--that is staggering. Few world leaders have had such low poll numbers. For example, when this picture of Mussolini was taken, he was polling in the low 30s:

Silly me

And I said Congress had its priorities out of whack. Oh was I wrong, they are CLEARLY focusing on what's important:

House Injects Prayer Into Defense Bill
By Alan Cooperman and Ann Scott Tyson
Washington Post Staff Writers

The House passed a $513 billion defense authorization bill yesterday that includes language intended to allow chaplains to pray in the name of Jesus at public military ceremonies, undercutting new Air Force and Navy guidelines on religion.

The Other Side of Data-Mining

As I read this morning’s Chicago Tribune on-line edition, I was amazed at how quickly and fiercely the editorial board came down on the right side of the NSA telephone data-mining revelation. Here is just one of many nuggets to be found in the editorial:

The government apparently has even bigger plans “to create a database of every call EVER made within the nation’s borders” to identify and track suspected terrorists. Think about that. Every phone call ever made. No, not so fast.

The editorial then goes on to compare this effort to the infamous Admiral Poindexter-led Total Information Awareness (TIA) trial balloon, which was unceremoniously punctured after immediate and overwhelming congressional and public outcry. It also looks at it in relation to the secret (read “illegal”) NSA surveillance program targeting overseas communications initiated or terminating inside the USA, saying that it can be argued that it’s justified with modest judicial oversight. But get this…

But this vast mining of domestic phone records, this is something else…Why would the government seek and STORE records of EVERY telephone call to your doctor, our lawyer, your next-door-neighbor. TELL US.

But you know, I can see the McLiar/Vader side of this argument. I mean after all, if this program had been initiated during the early days of the Clinton administration perhaps all those phone calls made between Timothy McVeigh, Terry Nichols, and any other TERRORIST in their cell would have tipped off the NSA and FBI to their heinous plot to kill innocent children attending a day care center inside the Murrah Federal Building in 1995. I’m CERTAIN that all of those domestic terrorists targeting doctors and patients at LEGAL abortion clinics would have been captured and punished. Hell, they may have been able to find and prosecute all those pesky pornographers who so vex the religious right. At the very least, this data-mining may have resulted in finding out which oil company executives participated in planning and writing the McLiar/Vader energy policy.
In the end, I know that this kind of policy couldn’t have existed under a Clinton administration – even if he had advocated it. After all, he had a hostile house which would have been happy to find ANY EXCUSE to impeach him... and with this idiotic, ass-backwards, and moronic policy, they'd have been right to!

Schmidlap, where are those camps?

Police State (n.)  A state in which the government exercises rigid and repressive controls over the social, economic, and political life of the people, especially by means of a secret police force.

From CNN this morning:

Faced with growing pressure from Southern states, the Bush administration wants the military to come up with ideas on beefing up the U.S. border with Mexico. In back-to-back moves this week, the Pentagon began exploring ways to lend support at the border, while the House voted to allow the Homeland Security Department in limited cases to use soldiers in the region.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/05/12/border.defense.ap/index.html

Conservation of numbers

You know how gas prices went up again yesterday, depsite nothing significant going on? It took weeks for them to drop a dime, and then in one day, up 22 cents. Anyway, now that gas will be going up above $3/gallon for a while, we need to do something with all those unused "2's". Here's an idea - use them to post the President's approval rating:

President Bush’s job-approval rating has fallen to its lowest mark of his presidency, according to a new Harris Interactive poll. Of 1,003 U.S. adults surveyed in a telephone poll, 29% think Mr. Bush is doing an “excellent or pretty good” job as president, down from 35% in April and significantly lower than 43% in January. Approval ratings for Congress overall also sank, and now stand at 18%.

Moron of the Month

Or year. I'm not sure.

Michael Cohn.

What did this genius do? Well, apparently he purchased tickets for a Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim baseball game last season, a game played on Mother's Day. The Angels had a promotion that day where women 18 and over were given a tote bag. He didn't get one, not being a woman, 18 or older, and he's suing. For damages.

Associated Press -- A man who was denied a red nylon tote bag during a Mother's Day promotion at an Angels baseball game has filed a sex and age discrimination lawsuit against the team.

The class action claim filed by Michael Cohn, a Los Angeles psychologist, alleges that thousands of males and fans under age 18 are entitled to $4,000 in damages each because they were treated unequally at last May's promotion. Women over 18 received the gifts.

...

The team responded to a complaint letter that Cohn wrote last June by sending him four tote bags and a letter stating the team "ran out of the item that day and had to order more."

"They claimed they didn't have any more bags, but my client said there was a mountain of bags stacked so high a show dog couldn't have jumped over them," said Alfred Rava, Cohn's San Diego-based attorney.

Cohn could not be reached for comment.

This weekend's Mother's Day promotion will offer tote bags to the first 25,000 fans over age 18, rather than cater specifically to women. Mead would not say whether the change was in response to Cohn's complaint.

Rava said the altered promotion still violates the civil rights of fans under age 18.

Sports franchises have given away things for years and years, often to different groups for whom the gift would be particularly intriguing. The Angels, I'm sure, thought that giving women a gift on Mother's Day was a reasonably logical thing to do. When he asked for one later, they sent him four (clearly demostrating the immense value of the bags). Now he wants $4000. A person. For everyone who didn't get the bags. I'm not sure where the show dogs entered the equation, however.

You know, if this were some 16 year old woman with a child who was being told she couldn't have the gift because she wasn't old enough, then it would be a stupid argument, but I'd listen. This guy makes the rest of us look bad.

On the other hand, $4000 would pay for the gas it takes to get to Anaheim in that traffic.

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

In the wake of the nomination of Michael Hayden to head gut and marginalize the CIA, we hear that at his old gig, they are tracking every phone call we make. Lovely.

The general also indicated that the problem with legality and the NSA wiretapping isn't the wiretapping, it is THE LAW. His solution? WEAKEN THE LAW?

I would like to point out to the general that more is in play here than a statute. There happens to be that thing which he clearly indicated that he did not understand a while back, that pesky 4th Amendment and probable cause and all that. FISA, with its retroactive warrant procedures, is of dubious constitutionality today. he 4th Amendment is the floor beyond which no statutory authorization can go. And if we're playing "how low can you go" and FISA is the limbo stick, it is lying on that floor. Try going below that.

Hurray for the tax cuts!

As the tax cuts pass the House, I can only say...

I am so happy!

Thank you President Bush! Thank you Republican Congress!

I think I'll take my savings and get...a 12-pack and a bag of chips?

Yes, thank you Republicans for having your priorities so completely screwed up.

A quick thought on the Goss resignation

Rumors are flying, of course, that former CIA director Porter Goss was connected to the Duke Cunningham hooker scandal, and that this prompted his resignation.

Mr. Goss, I don't care about your "morals." I don't care who you sleep with, I don't care if there was an exchange of consideration in connection with said activities. What I care about is your judgment, and if through whatever conduct you become even MENTIONED in a sex scandal these days, and in particular one with hookers and the word WATERGATE in the same sentence, you are in the wrong job. Goodbye.

And now the administration dumps a Congressional crony for a military one?

Shameful

First of all, let me apologize for my inattentiveness. I was busy, travel, etc., and after all, work is the curse of the drinking classes.

But the header above refers to Charles Krauthammer. What a repulsive little man.

One way to earn immediate criticism is to play the "Hitler card." All you have to do is mention the man's name, and stand back. In many instances, the criticisms are fair, as the objectives and results of Hitler's "final solution" do not find many equals in today's world.

However, there are many instances in which the attacks are not fair. For example, Sen. Dick Durbin NEVER compared our military, etc. to Hitler. There are also many instances in which it is important to discuss the Hitler example in the context of how a developed, industrial society could be duped and then coerced into either actively embracing or passively allowing horrible things to happen.

The flipside of the "Hitler" card is one that starts with the same letter, that being the "Holocaust card." I will leave it to others to debate the general appropriateness of the comparison between these two, but Krauthammer provides a particularly vulgar version of dealing from that side of the deck.

The subtitle to his obnoxious piece on Iran is "For Israel, it's starting to feel like it's 1938 again."

I'm sorry, but how offensive is that? How can anyone reasonably compare the empty and often mistranslated rhetoric of a figurehead president of Iran to Hitler's genocide accomplished after the wehrmacht rolled through Europe?

(you may find the entire stinking piece here)

How is this POSSIBLY like 1938? In 1938, the Jews of Europe were scatted among weak states that quickly fell before the German onslaught, and the state mechanism offered no defense against this hideous onslaught. Today the state of Israel has nuclear weapons and a virtual guarantee of its security from the United States.

How does that compare to the fate of Jews who could only rely on the quickly defeated Poland, the Netherlands, France and of course Germany itself for protection?

In 1938, hadn't we already seen the aggressive force of a country committed to expansion? Do we see that today? No. As a securities lawyer, we call the words of the Iranian president "puffery." In the NFL, it is "trash talking."

After all, the Germans rolled through weak European states and had their way with local populace. Charles, how does that compare with Israel today? The Iranians are AT BEST 10 years away from coming up with the rudiments of a potential weapon (i.e. the United States back at the early stages of the Manhattan Project) that the Israelis--one of the world's most formidable miliary forces-- already have. Israel has a defense system unmatched in the Middle East and backed by the United States.

It is disgusting, Charles, that you would bring up the horrific treatment of European Jews 60 years ago to try and justify insanity in 2006.

Shame on you.

Variations on a theme

Go to Google, type "a**hole" (well, not that exactly, but you know what I'm saying) into the search bar, and click "I'm feeling lucky".

Listen somewhere free of younguns.

Who said what?

I occasionally listen to Sean Hannity's radio show when I'm in the kitchen because it is so train-wreck bad that it's funny. The other night, Sean had a guest on who was just ripping this stupid little man's position on our disastrous present war and soon to be disastrous future war up one way and down the other. He noted that:

1) the Iraqi war was unlawful as war with Iran would be,
2) for all his hyperbole, Iranian President Ahmadinejad is a) not a policy maker and b) not insane,
3) Israel is quite well prepared to defend itself, thank you,
4) the Iranians are rational, and know that the microwave would immediately be set on "High" if even a hint of radiation was found out of place,
5) Crazy? We stared down Stalin for a generation and he was a nuclear-armed sociopath leading the world's larget country. We live with Stalin and you're afraid of a couple third-rate Middle eastern countries?
6) Iran has attacked NO ONE, and is a much larger, wealthier and more populous country than Iraq,

and the clincher was

7) "we can't go to war every time you're afraid, Sean."

The guest:




Amazing.

Oliver Wendell Bush

One certainly doesn't have to be a lawyer to be president, but a basic working familiarity with our legal system should be a prerequisite for the office.

Check out this pearl of legal wisdom:

"The jury convicted him [Zacarias Moussaoui] to life in prison."

Excuse me, but..NO!!

Convict (verb) "To find or prove (someone) guilty of an offense or crime, especially by the verdict of a court."

Juries don't "convict" someone to a particular sentence. He entered a guilty plea, and according to the definition above, was already "guilty." The trial then moved to the penalty phase, which is totally separate from the "conviction." Geez, this is "Law and Order"-level stuff.

Retard America

Chicago Tribune

American youth have no direction home or abroad

A five-year, multimedia campaign called My Wonderful World aims to reach children ages 8 to 17. The goal is to motivate parents and educators to expand geographic offerings in school, at home and in their communities. They will have their task cut out for them, judging by the results of the survey of 510 people interviewed in December and January. It found 33 percent of respondents couldn't pinpoint Louisiana on a map and 48 percent were unable to locate Mississippi. But Southerners shouldn't feel unappreciated. Half of respondents could not find New York either.

Joining the geographic education campaign will be 4H, the American Federation of Teachers, Asia Society, Association of American Geographers, National Basketball Association, National Council of La Raza, National PTA, Smithsonian Institution and others.

"Geography exposes children and adults to diverse cultures, different ideas and the exchange of knowledge from around the world," said Anna Marie Weselak, president of the National PTA. "This campaign will help make sure our children get their geography so they can become familiar with other cultures during their school years and move comfortably and confidently in a global economy as adults."

Lost Generation

The National Geographic-Roper Public Affairs geography survey of young adult Americans found:

Only 37 percent could identify Iraq on a map of the Middle East. (As Tribune readers surely know, it's the country highlighted above.)

Only 12 percent could locate Afghanistan on a map of Asia.

One of the few bright spots was that 69 percent could identify China [Editor's Note--This is a BRIGHT SPOT? It's ****ing CHINA!!!!] on a map. But on another aspect of China, they did far worse. In a multiple-choice quiz, only 18 percent answered correctly that Mandarin Chinese is the most widely spoken native language in the world. Most people-74 percent-thought it was English.

While the outsourcing of jobs to India has been a major U.S. business story, 47 percent could not find the Indian subcontinent on a map of Asia. When given a list of four countries (Indonesia, India, Armenia and South Africa) and asked which one was majority Muslim, only 25 percent said correctly that it was Indonesia. Nearly half (48 percent) answered India, which is only 13 percent Muslim.

While Israeli-Palestinian strife has been in the news for the entire lives of the respondents, 75 percent were unable to locate Israel on a map of the Middle East.
Six in 10 did not know that the border between North and South Korea is the most heavily fortified in the world. Thirty percent thought the most heavily fortified border was between the United States and Mexico.

Two-thirds didn't know that the earthquake that killed 70,000 people in October 2005 occurred in Pakistan.